


When petals fall

by Hencas_Yeolhun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Heartbreak, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, M/M, Men Crying, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-17 23:21:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19964899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hencas_Yeolhun/pseuds/Hencas_Yeolhun
Summary: Hanahaki. Painful one sided love disease that causes you to cough up flowers.Or Sehun decided to write a letter to Chanyeol knowing he was taking his last breaths while writing.





	When petals fall

**Author's Note:**

> This is really sad. I was tearing up while writing this.  
> I was originally going for a happy ending but somehow that idea went up in flames and now it's really sad.  
> If you'd like a happy ending instead let me know and I can add an alternative ending chapter.  
> I hope you enjoy anyway.  
> Let me know what you think!  
> I also have other stories so if you'd like to check those out that would be nice.  
> Thanks for reading!  
> I also posted this story somwhere else.

Dear Chanyeol 

When you read this I’m already gone. Maybe you’re confused as to why or how, but I hope that you come to an understanding of it once you have read this letter. 

Where do I even begin...

I’ve always loved flowers, that’s a well known thing. I’ve always thought they were the most beautiful and fascinating thing. They made me happy. 

That was until I started coughing them up. Then all they did was hurt me.

It all began when the rumours of you dating another idol began. I read something about it and suddenly I coughed up a yellow rose. Yellow roses stand for sorrow. I was disappointed. Disappointed in our friendship, but mostly disappointed in myself. For not wanting to admit that I loved you. I knew I did, but I knew I shouldn’t because it would only cause me pain. But it’s like they say it in the movies, you can’t choose who you love, unfortunately.

But it didn’t stop their, it got worse. When you finally announced you where dating her. I was happy for you, still am, but that doesn’t mean it hurt any less. I had to escape the room we were all in, the whole of EXO because you wanted to tell us all together. I could feel the flowers coming up so I had to leave. I quickly congratulated you, I meant that, I really did. And left. Once I got to the toilets I went to the last stall and began coughing up yellow roses again, but this time they had thorns. And now they stood for heartbreak. I could feel the thorns slicing my throat open. I coughed all of them up stained with blood. I couldn’t help the tears rolling down my cheeks. 

At that moment I knew that there was no option of surviving. 

It was the third weak when you revealed your relationship to the public. All the fans were happy. No one had a negative thing to say about you two. And you were the happiest I had ever seen you. It hurt a lot to see you be in love with someone that wasn’t me. Even though I knew I never had a chance with you. So I decided to distance myself from you, to try and get over you, to let you love somebody without having to hurt myself. But the flowers changed, they changed to pink camellias that stand for longing. The more I tried to get away from you the more I longed for you, the more it hurt. And it didn’t help that you would always be upset when I avoided you or rejected your offers to hang out. But soon enough fans started to notice, they started to notice us drifting away from each other. How could they not when I alway found a way to not be paired up with you, I was always good with making up excuses and now they came in handy. You where confused and hurt but that didn’t change anything you where still with her and you’d always be. 

I remember you confronted me once. It went something along the lines of. “Sehun-ah, why are you avoiding me?” “What are you talking about hyung?” “Don’t play dumb, why won’t you talk to me, why won’t you even look at me?” “I just feel like we’ve been growing apart, we have too much differences to have a good friendship”. “That never stopped you before!” “Things change hyung”. “Sehun tell me the real reason”. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore hyung, we grew apart that’s all”. “You know what, fuck you Oh Sehun, fuck you and our whole stupid fucking friendship, fuck this whole mess”. “I’m sorry hyung”. “No I’m sorry, I’m sorry I couldn’t be the friend you wanted, I’m sorry I was such a fool”. You cried, I remember the tears falling on the ground with a rapid speed. But you turned around and never looked back, you left me to cry and cough up blood stained asphodels, regret. I regretted ruining our friendship, I regretted lying to you just a second ago, I regretted hurting you with my words, but most of all I regretted meeting and falling for you. I could barely breath while the blood just trickled down my chin on its way to my neck and staining my clothes. 

The fourth week was more bearable, I learned to live with the pain. Somehow I found satisfaction in it. I didn’t see you even once though, I guess you were avoiding me now.

In the fifth week Kyungsoo came over. He said we needed to do some catching up on each other’s lives. But I knew he was there because of you and for our fans that started to worry about our now nonexistent friendship. He told me you where sad and hurt that I thought that way about us. The thing is there never was an us, not the way I wanted there to be at least. And then he mentioned her and said I was lucky she was there for you, he said she took care of you the way I used to. And that’s when I couldn’t possibly hold the flowers back, it would’ve hurt to much. The orange roses mixed with dead leaves started to pile up in the sink I could turn to just in time. When I was done Kyungsoo came and wiped the blood of my hands. “Orange roses, desire and dead leaves sadness” “how’d you know?” “I read a book about the hanahaki disease, didn’t know you had it though”. “Oh”. “But while we’re at it tell me”. And that’s how I explained everything to him. How I fell in love with you and how I couldn’t anymore. He asked me why I didn’t go for surgery but the answer to that was simple. I didn’t want our memories to disappear. As much as I wish I wouldn’t have brought myself into this situation, I didn’t want our beautiful memories to fade. 

Kyungsoo was always there to help me. So Soo hyung, if you’re reading this, thank you so much, you made it a lot easier for me. 

By week eight you hadn’t even looked at me once. It didn’t help that you brought her with you to every meeting and every shoot. Tell her she isn’t subtle when glaring. I was in pain, but that was the least of everyone’s worries.

Now whe’re at the end of week twelve, the end of the third and last month. It’s time for me to go. As I’m writing this letter I’m coughing up black roses, crimson roses, yellow orchids and ylang-ylangs. Death, mourning, new beginnings and never-ending love. I can feel the petals suffocating me slowly, it’s hard to breath and I’m starting to have some trouble with writing. I can hear Kyungsoo banging on my door, but it’s too late now.

Be happy, love her and treat her as if she’s the most precious thing on earth. My last wish on this earth is for you to be happy and to be with the one you love. And remember it’s okay, this had to happen, there was no way out.

I love you, have since the day we met and will forever.

Goodbye 

Yours forever, Sehun.

I finished reading the letter Kyungsoo gave me. I was staring into nothingness as the rest of the members where all still in shock and in tears. “He loved you, he loved you so fucking much that now he’s gone” Baekhyun said through sobs. “How was there nothing we could do?” Chen asked, he wasn’t crying yet, he was still in disbelief. “It was one-sided love, there is no way of changing that”. Kyungsoo who tried to stay strong for all of us but was failing miserably said. “You know Chanyeol, when he was explaining everything to me, he talked about you with this spark in his eyes and with the most adoration I have ever heard” Kyungsoo began “one day he said that if he didn’t survive he wanted you to know that it isn’t your fault, you don’t choose the person you fall in love with and that you didn’t fall in love with him was okay to him, he had accepted it” now he was crying too “he said it hurt him so much when you where mad at him and that when you where with her it used to feel like his Hart was breaking off bit by bit” he sighed “he loved you and he was okay with the pain as long as you where happy”. By now everyone was in tears. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t stop crying. How was I this stupid. How didn’t I notice him hurting. “Why didn’t he tell me?” I barely managed to ask. “He didn’t want to upset you, he didn’t want you to pity him or to be disgusted”. “I could never be, at least not with him”. It was so stupid that he didn’t tell me. “I always thought you liked him to, you looked at him differently than you looked at us” Lay trailed of. “But then she came along” Xiumin continued. “And everything changed” Jongin said. “Because she started to drag him down” Suho finished off. 

“I did love him, but I gave up because I thought he would’ve never loved me back” I said “How I wish that never happened”.

We were all a crying mess. How could we not be when someone like him was now gone, not longer with us.

“I hope your okay now Sehun-ah” I whispered “I hope you stopped hurting”. 

Now they all had somebody to watch over them.


End file.
